In the End
by Weehoo107
Summary: I thought that maybe I was really loved, important to people. But deception is a trick the mind plays when you desire something to strong. Naruto/sakura POV
1. Chapter 1

I stood silently in the rain.

I don't know how long I had been standing still. Did it matter? Did I care?

After today, nothing mattered anymore. Nothing made sense in the world after today. The world was a joke.

My life was full of failures. I thought that maybe good would come out of all my mistakes, and finally... _finally_ I would be rewarded. After the struggle and the pain I would be redeemed in some way.

But here I am. Standing in the rain. Alone.

Failure after failure after failure. Sure, I helped others. I protected their friends and their families. They were happy because I made them happy. I let them live. I gave them meaning to life... like a god.

But I'm no god. If I were, I would have been able to stop his death.

I'm pathetic.

My whole life has been nothing but pain and suffering. The pain of loneliness, the pain of loss. These were my memories of the past. Why does it seem that bad memories outweigh the good ones? Why didn't I learn from these memories? Was I deluding myself? Perhaps the thought of friends and family seemed so precious that I risked everything I ever had, including my sanity. All I ever wanted was welcoming smiles and loyal friends. I didn't have anything else. I had nothing.

I tried so hard for these things. I got them. I had them. They would stand beside me, smile at me with the warmth I longed for, support me when I was in trouble. They were so precious to me. More so then any jewel or gem in the entire world. So much more.

Theres nothing in my life that is welcoming anymore. Somehow, all my friends have died or are dead to me. How could they have forgotten? Was I of that little importance? Am I that detestable?

It was an accident. It wasn't my fault. It was just a fluke, never should have happened. But it did.

"_Murderer."_

My teammate. My comrade. My rival, my ally. My friend, my fallen friend.

My brother.

What did I do to deserve this? Please tell me. Ask God while you're in heaven. Maybe he knows. Does he even care?

I was supposed to save you. We were supposed to go back home, where we belonged. Where we were _loved_, Sasuke. We were needed.

But now things are just like before I met any of you. It's like I never existed.

Why am I talking to you in the first place? You're dead.

My brother, my brother... I have failed you.

"_It's not your fault."_

Then why do I feel this way? Why do you look at me with those eyes? Why don't you talk to me anymore?

Am I what I am. No one can change that. The thing inside of me is a part of me. It's a part of who I am. I can't help it. A cruel twist of fate cursed me with this monstrosity, and somehow, I never excepted it...

until now.

"_Then you are a monster."_

Yes.

Yes, that's what I am. However badly I desired not to be, I was. I am. I tried so hard to be normal, but how can one be normal when so much has happened that is the exact opposite? It changes people.

But I never needed changing. I was already a monster, even if I was denying myself.

The rain did not let up. It beat down upon me with a type of accusation, like it knew what I had done. Yes, there was no hope for me. I should end it now.

Pained tears fell from my eyes, though I fought against them. Even now I was so adverse to showing weakness. But what was the point of hiding it? I am weak, after all. And the rain hides me.

Still cowardly, even to the end. Like I said, pathetic.

I dropped the backpack off the back and walked over the the bloodied kunai that was gorged inside the gut of a enemy ninja. He might have had a family. He might have had a wife and kids that loved him. Maybe they were waiting for him to return now. But he wouldn't return.

Good.

I yanked the knife out of the now dead man and help it upright.

Sharp. Shiny. Dangerous. Deadly.

How lovely.

I was thinking about how to end myself (the gut was dramatic; the throat, quick. The wrists, slow, painful, depressing. All equally good choices, though I was leaning towards jugular.) when I heard footsteps approaching me from behind. I turned, annoyed.

I didn't figure Konoha would follow me after I left. I was nothing to them now, and they were nothing to me. Besides our hate held for each other, we had no future together.

Whoever was tracking me had stopped approaching me and was lingering in the bushes someways off. They had hesitated, it seemed.

"I know you're there. Show yourself."

after I finished here, I would go on the my own business. It was just a quick delay. I still intended to continue what I was doing before I was interrupted.

The tracker emerged out of the shadows and cover. It was a person I recognized well. I could spot her a mile away.

"Go away," I said. "I'm busy. Run along and pray at Sasuke's grave or something," I added despite Sakura's obvious pain at the slight mention of Uchiha, let alone his own name. She winced at his name.

"Heartless bastard," she replied spitefully.

"I could say the same thing. What do you want?"

she crossed her arms and leaned on the left leg. She used to lean on her right, but it had been hurt in battle. I remember that day. We had all been worried sick, but she had managed to pull through.

"I have orders to return you to Konoha. They can't let their only Jinchuuriki slip through their fingers," she said with plain disdain and an added emphasis on 'jinchuuriki.' "You will come back with me now."

"Really? They're in for a disappointment." Figures. I was a tool to them, if nothing else.

I could tell that she was trying to control her anger, but I could see her facade slipping ever so slightly. A vein popped out on her forehead.

"Leave," I said, turning my back on her before she could reply. "I don't want to talk to you anymore."

I could imagine her rage when I walked away from her. She would attack me now...

I quickly dashed behind her while she charged me with fists tightened. As I knocked her out, she caught a glimpse of me behind her. There was something in her eyes that was not hate, rage or disgust. I didn't want to put a name on it.

I left her in the mud, face down. I stilled for a moment, contemplating, then I tilted her face just so she wouldn't drown.

I stared at her for a while, remembering. Painful memories. Memories of happiness.

Or so I thought.

I raised the kunai yet again, staring at it now with a new kind of wonder. Something was different; and it was because of Sakura.

Was it my cowardliness? No, I had been so determined to end my life it was almost sweet.

It was her eyes... they held pain in them, of a sort. The pain of loss?

Whatever it was, it stopped me from plunging the object into my neck. I dropped it, hand trembling.

I ran. I didn't know where I was going, but it was far from here, far from Konoha. So far, nobody would ever be able to reach me.

No, I wasn't going to kill myself. But in a way, I was already dead.

Uzumaki Naruto was already dead.

It was the begining of exile.  
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This was just something I typed in bordom. If you want it to continue, then tell me. It all depends on how many views it gets in a month or two.

R&R :)


	2. Chapter 2

Alright second chapter. I'm planning on making this story as short as possible, but somehow my stories always seem to drag on...

I'll work quickly, you'll see :)

**I don't own Naruto. or anything Naruto related. but then again, I'm writing this soo...**

_(This chapter has been edited. I made a few mistakes that i really needed to correct. Totally forgot that Gaara was kazekage to Wind. you'd think he'd be Tsuchikage but noooo...)_

This contains spoilers from the current chapters, 458 and a little before. if you don't want to be spoiled, run far, far away...

Enjoy!~3

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It was a Friday in July.

It started out normal, like any other Friday. Konoha was alive and bustling in the early morning, people rushing to work or getting their children to school. A brisk, cool day was ahead of me, I had thought. Fridays were drink night with Ino and my shift at the hospital was shortened thanks to Tsunade-sama. I was happy that she had released me from my regular time, but in a way I was annoyed, because I knew why she had excused me so early. In fact, I was not the only one who knew. _Everyone _knew. It was generally known that Haruno Sakura, pupil of the Godaime Hokage, Akatsuki-killer, was a single woman.

Both joyful at the beautiful morning and pissed off at my master, I left my apartment, slamming the door. It was days like these when I wished that I was not a Ninja, not a medic-nin, and had listened to my mother and just got hitched like every other nine-teen year old in town. Why did women marry so young anyway?

I sighed as I entered the hospital, slightly irritated at the nurses who were giggling and gossiping. Was it me, or was Konoha getting soft?

My thoughts were interrupted rudely. "Where have you been? I've been looking everywhere for you."

Kakashi-sensei no longer qualified as my teacher, seeing as I was on par with him now. We went on missions together all the time, back when I was in ANBU. I had to quit after a year or two, though. It just wasn't for me. I couldn't handle the cruel atmosphere, and honestly? Neither could he.

But he was my former sensei from better days, my adolescent years, and I respected him long with many other people. I don't know where I would be without his help, and for that I was truly, truly thankful. But it was nice to tease him a bit once in a while.

"I do have an apartment, you know. Normally, people would check there first." I crossed my arms, acting playfully now. I never really had time to talk to my old sensei now, and before?... well, he never had time to pay attention to me. He was too busy with the others. I didn't hold it against him though, of course not.

"I did check there. And at Ino's. And at Tsunade-sama's," he mentioned with a shiver. "Something I will never do again."

His cryptic words had sparked my interest, but now Shizune was coming from behind Kakashi. "Damn it, Kakashi, if you weren't a necessary asset to the military field, your ass would be on a plater right now. Tsunade-sama would personally castrate you."

"Ok," He answered with a smile (or so I imagined). "Tell her I'll be there in-"

"**Go. There. Now**." Shizune glared darkly and I wondered what was pestering Tsunade so much.

"Yes, ma'am," he said as he walked briskly away in the wrong direction, earning another death glare from the brunette. Still the procrastinator, I see. Master would kick his ass later. Oh well, not my problem.

I started to walk away, but Shizune caught me by the shoulder. "She wants you too."

"Well, tell her she's going to have to wait. I've got important patients to see."

"I've been instructed to take care of it. Now get moving," she said out of character. I raised an eyebrow that she completely ignored. What was her problem, PMS?

I sighed. And I was so happy when I woke up...

Slowly, I made my way to Shisou's office, savoring every moment I had before the storm. Whatever info Tsunade wanted to tell me, it wasn't good. It was going to be another one of _those_ days, when everyone just hated their job and was in a foul mood.

I approached the room grudgingly, plotting to run off at the last second, but Shizune had just shown up, and was watching me like a hawk. She still had that up-tight look in her eye, so I picked up my pace and hurried to the door. _Damn Shizune and her watchful eyes..._

As I entered, I felt the sudden change in atmosphere almost immediately. Kakashi and Sai were there, along with a few other Jonnin. The only ones I recognized were Ibiki, Inouchi, and Shikumaru's father, along with Shikumaru himself. I couldn't remember his name right now, but from what I remembered he was a high level Jonnin, one of the best...

The situation, whatever it was, did not look good. Tsunade wasn't even taking a swig of her sake, which worried me quite a bit.

Cautiously, I moved to Kakashi's side, behind Sai. He acknowledged me with a nod, which I promptly returned. Our relationship had improved quite a bit after 'he' left. We had a lot of time to spend together, so we had bonded in a pleasant (but strange) way. He was like a brother. A near emotionless, socially clueless brother, who didn't know how to deal with women, didn't know how to deal with relatives of friends (I learned this the hard way) and... missed Naruto horribly.

I saw him smile at me from the corner of my eye. Trust Sai to lighten the mood.

Kakashi however...

From what I could see, Tsunade had already told the older Shinobi the problem, and the few younger ninja in here (including myself) were going to be trusted with classified information. There were very, _very _few my generation ninja present. It made me felt honored and pressured at the same time.

Tsunade rubbed her temples before she began.

"I trust the room is sealed off from unwanted ears?" Ibiki nodded in reply. Everyone tensed.

"Alright then," she sighed.

"Yesterday, I received some highly classified information concerning the Earth country and the Lightening country. The two are on the brink of war, it seems, and they want us to choose sides."

Everyone simultaneously sucked in their breath.

"We cannot in our right minds choose Earth, because we know they are corrupt and so do all the other nations. Siding with them would make Fire look prejudiced and intolerant, and we would undoubtedly loose allies we had previously. They could not fight with such people, even if we were willing to. However, Lightening and Fire do not cooperate well at all. It would be extremely difficult to co-exist with them in such close proximity. The result may be... casualties," she forced out, "Unwanted casualties. Unnecessary ones. There has been a hate between the two of us since the beginning of the Great Nations. You all remember the tension a few years ago between us and Kumogakure," she gestured with her head, "even though I was in a coma, I woke up to chaos and massive panic. That hate had spiked, and it seemed that war was inevitable. But, thanks to interventions made on Konoha's behalf, we were spared from a pointless and vengeful war..."

I nodded. No, I would never forget that. Especially who made those interventions...

"We were saved," she said simply. "Saved from something that would have destroyed Konoha, Kumo, and perhaps the Ninja world. But it looks like it was always meant to be. We were just putting it off.

"War _is_ inevitable," she said suddenly, with a hard tone to her voice. "And we must pick a side. The right one. And I think we all know which one that is."

We all looked at each other, each one of us deciding, choosing. But I knew who I wanted to be fighting alongside, not against.

"Lightening," everyone said at the same time. Tsunade closed her eyes, as in thought.

When she opened them again, they had a spark of something I had seen while training, or while she was fighting. It was the look of war. The look of a Kage. It was rare to see Tsunade so serious. But then, war is no trifle matter. _Everyone _looked serious at that moment.

"Very well," she said decidedly. "I will give my new-found allies the word. Remember, this information is to remain classified."

It was quiet for a split second. Then, Tsunade dismissed us. Sai looked at me with the one of his straight-faces, but I knew he was conflicted. I could see it in his eyes.

"Sakura, Kakashi, Sai, wait a moment."

Tsunade-sama waited till everyone had left the room before she walked over the the window behind her desk, sake in hand.

"Yes, Hokage-sama?" Kakashi disturbed the silence.

"Earth has grown," she muttered, "Grown too strong. Lightening will not be enough... Wind will help but the Earth has Water country and many small allied war-lords along their borders... it's monstrous," she concluded, "They've grown into a monster. Information keeps flooding in and it's not good, not good at all..."

"What information?" I asked.

Tsunade turned to look at us. "They have troops. They have Iron country's allegiance, along with Water. And they have a far greater supply of weaponry, shinobi, and food. We are bested in this," she mused, as if in a daze, "They have the upper-hand."

Sai's eyes tightened and Kakashi stiffened automatically. I don't know what my reaction was.

"We have Wind," Kakshi began again. "They are loyal -"

"Yes, of course they are," Tsunade hissed, "But are they better off then us? No! They are in a state of emergency also, which evens out the strength that divides us."

Yes, this wasn't good at all. If war ensued, we might just end up killing each other off.

"What did you call us here for then, Hokage-sama?" Sai had raised his voice.

Godaime spared a glance at me for a few seconds, and then stared at her desk. "We need more allies. But the majority of them are already sworn to the Wind. Mercenaries are all we have left... Missing-nins. They will come if we pay, and they go cheap," she said quietly.

"I thought we decided we weren't going to do that ever again," Kakashi retorted sharply. I had no idea what they were talking about.

"Have any better ideas?"

Kakashi didn't reply to that.

"What do you mean, calling missing-nin?" Sai questioned suspiciously.

Something in Tsunades eyes seemed to darken and I remembered the last time her eyes looked like that. I didn't like to remember, but it was hard not to when the memory was so vivid in my mind...

"No," I heard someone say. "He won't come. It doesn't matter."

All eyes were on me, and I realized I had just spoken.

"We need him, Sakura. More then you know." Oh, I knew. _They_ needed him.

"Is that what this is for then? Do you want us to go and try to 'rescue' him? Just like with -"

"I don't want you to force him back," Tsunade interrupted quickly, "Just... ask. Beg. Get on your knees if you have to," she added. "Do anything, anything that might make him reconsider his actions..."

"That won't be easy with Naruto-kun," Sai whispered.

Tsunade sighed. "I know, but what choice do we have? He our last hope. He's our _only_ hope."

I didn't agree with her, but from the looks on my comrades' face's it looked like they thought along the same lines too.

"Don't send me," I croaked. "Please don't send me."

"I have to. You know him. You _must_ go, Sakura, and that's an order." her voice was hard at the end.

"She understands," Kakashi intervened in my stead. Tsunade nodded, and dismissed us, saying that when the time came, she would send us off privately. This was to be class A mission, and if it failed, we couldn't let anyone know. The stakes were too high.

We shuffled out of the room in silence. I felt a hand placed on my shoulder and I knew that it belonged to Sai but I didn't acknowledge him. All I wanted to do was run home and cry. My last encounter with Naruto was not one I liked recall, and not because I hated him so much or because of what happened between him and Sasuke.

It was because he had hurt me. Not through Sasuke, but because he had _directly _wounded me out of hate. That wasn't the Naruto I knew. The Naruto I knew was a goofy, lovable, determined man, not a spiteful person. And though I knew that Konoha was partially responsible for his demise, as we walked out of that administration building, I couldn't help but wonder what I would find if I saw Naruto again.

And somewhere, in the deepest corners of my mind, I wondered what he would think when he saw me.

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Tada :D so Sakura is self-conscious about seeing Naruto. you'd think that she'd be worrying about other things, but nope!

haha, this chapter was kinda hard to write, so don't hold back on telling be it was a terrible read. If you want the story to continue, Please Review. I'd be very happy.

Ttfn, ta-ta for now!  
(R&R)


	3. Chapter 3

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**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto. **  
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I heard the damn fly buzzing over my head. It was just being too evasive.

After three hours of hunting and fruitful findings, I had returned home to prepare my food. It was like any other secluded, quiet day, nothing out of the ordinary. The birds were chirping in their nests, just beginning to wake up to the day, the flowers were opening their buds, and the tranquility of my surroundings was peaceful and bright, the perfect morning. There was nothing like waking up at four in the early morning to go hunt for your own food. It was so down to earth, so natural. The morning sun glistened down on the little meadow that overlooked my small home, and the blossoms seemed to shimmer in it's golden light. I inhaled, and the delicious, warm scent of the _Ajisai _ and _Fuji_ flowers assailed my senses with their sweet aroma. They, and a few other delicate clusters decorated my little abode, and off in the distance there were some _Momo_ and _Yuki Yanagi _trees by the little creek that ran through my heavenly grassland. _Jinchojei, Boke, _and _Nanohana _were spread throughout the area, their petals glowing in the sun.

It was pure, unblemished beauty at it's best. I sighed, content.

(Damn noisy fly.)

My body wheeled around, annoyed at the intrusion of noise. With ninja-like quickness, I caught the little nuisance in my hands, and after a moment of thought, I let the little vexation free; it wasn't a morning for that sort of thing. It buzzed happily away.

I surveyed the room, displeased at the state of my home. Books, books, books... and some ramen, cluttered here and there (everywhere, actually). You could barely see the floor.

After my defection, my mind had needed somewhere or something to keep it distracted. Books never really were my thing until I found one that absolutely engrossed me and after that I started reading everything I could get my hands on. The result was a smarter self. I think.

Walking through my disordered room, it occurred to me that there was small presence outside my house. Now I often had prowlers come around at night, looking for trouble, but this person felt like he was intentionally hiding himself. He was concealing his aura from me, and that was not something normal thieves knew how to do, which meant that he probably knew who I was, that he came here for a reason _other_ then to rob me, and that this was going to be a _total_ pain in the ass...

Stifling a groan, I dashed across my large sitting room filled to the brim with books and jumped out of the open window to my right. He... _they _were coming from the north.

Crouching low, I ran to the forest not far from my humble residence. It was perfect; I could hear the intruders rummaging through my home while remaining hidden in the shade.

Everything seemed to stop suddenly. The flowers stopped releasing their scent, the sun refused to shine, the wind withheld from sweeping across my meadow, and the birds themselves restrained from singing. It gave the situation an ominous tone compared to the vibrant Elysium from before. My mouth impulsively slanted downward into a frown. The contrast between the two scenes was cataclysmic, almost repulsive, even though the simple beauty was still present. It was almost as if nature was warning me of something.

They entered my house unaware of my close proximity. My eyes inadvertently squinted to get a better glimpse of my uninvited callers.

There were four. Three men, one most likely my age, the other two looked like they were in their mid-thirties. They were tall, strong looking men, with broad shoulders and an air of authority. The third was a woman; she was slender. But it was difficult to see her form through her thick cloak.

My feet itched to move from my cramped spot but still they did not leave. They (the thieves) obviously were looking for something specific in my quarters, but nothing of major importance came to mind. It then occurred to me that perhaps the item they were searching so diligently for was myself. After a time of troubled consideration, I decided that it wouldn't hurt if I went down to them and found out their objectives _tête-à-tête__. Maybe they had mistaken my house for another's._

I stood up in the dimmed light from the trees, groaning as I stretched my leg muscles. I heard their activity quiet as they ascertained my movement.

Lazily, I moseyed over to my front door (which had been knocked down by my guests) and stood casually in the doorway.

That is, until I recognized their chakra.

My body stiffened impulsively, and I could practically see my eyes narrowing. Something changed in the atmosphere and my vision blurred and took on a red hue as a metallic, warm taste made itself known in my mouth.

How dare they.

I turned to leave but someone had already placed their hand on the small of my back. I knew who it was, but did not turn to acknowledge her. I would not. Not after what they had done to me.

"It's been a while... Naruto."

My jaw clenched, and it took everything I had not to look straight in her eyes and scream at her. But I must be patient. Patience, Naruto, Patience.

"Naruto," said a familiar, nostalgic voice, "Look at me."

Should I even turn? Could I turn to face them after all that had happened?

Did I have a fucking choice? (God, I'm so dramatic.)

Sighing as nonchalantly as possible, I eased away from Sakura's soft hand upon my back and turned to face my "friends." Yeah. Friends.

"What do you want?" Was that direct enough? 'Hoped so. I didn't like to repeat myself.

"We're here... on orders from Godaime Hokage," came the reply. It sounded like he had wanted to say something else, but had controlled himself as soon as I had glanced in his direction. Kakashi was as I remembered him; tall, leonine, inert. His emotional facade was impressive, though I saw it crack as my unwelcome gaze hit home. He immediately hardened after receiving my glare.

"Naturally. Now would you mind replaying those commands?"

I saw a glimmer of hurt that was replaced with agitation in his eyes. Still, his composure remained predominantly sound. Sai and Yamato were likewise. I wondered idly how Sakura's countenance was fairing. I risked a glimpse at her petite frame. Sakura...

Well, hell hath no fury like a woman.

"I'm not sure if you know this, but the lands of Earth and Lightening are at each other's necks. There is going to be war just because two overly pompous men are pissed off at each other."

"What, you all can't keep the peace for five minutes after I'm gone? It hasn't even been five years."

"I'm aware of that," growled my former sensei, "but if you haven't noticed, this is between Raikage and Tsuchikage, and it does not involve Konoha."

"But you do intend to get involved," I countered.

"Yes. It's only right that we choose a side to fight on. Earth is corrupt and though Lightening and Fire don't get along at all, we must try. For the sake of innocent people, we must... which is why we are here today," he finished. Was that hesitance I detected?

My eyebrow raised spontaneously, then came down suspiciously. I didn't know where he was going with this, but I could take a guess. And I was supposed to play a chief role in it.

Damn it. They were playing my soft side, my weakness.

"We came to ask... to beg for your help. Konoha needs you, Naruto. Kumo needs you, Suna needs you, but most importantly... we need you."

I could tell it took a lot out of him to admit that. It would have been a lot nicer if it was actually true, though.

Still, though I had no love for Konoha anymore and even less for Kumo (if that was possible), there were faultless people who were bound to be included in this tyrannical mess whether they liked it or not. And if there was one thing that infuriated me the most, it was aristocrats fighting for power at the impoverished expense. It had always been that way with me, and it looked like it wasn't going to change. Damn it.

So I guess there was really nothing else to say.

Kakashi opened his mouth to speak again (beg, most likely,) but I interrupted. "Alright. I get it. I'll come."

It was almost amusing how their expressions compared. Yamato, standing in front of me on the far left, had his mouth hung open from apparent shock and surprise. Sai, standing next to him, was just as comical, though his mouth was not opened. His eyes had popped out of his sockets, however. Kakashi's eye widened and I could almost imagine what his face looked like underneath that mask.

Sakura was equally dumbfounded, but she hid her amazement well. She was still irate, after all. But from their reactions I gathered they had not expected me to come so easily.

After a few seconds of opened mouths and stretched eyelids, I decided to break the silence. "Close your mouths, you guys. We're human beings, not fish."

With that, they promptly clamped their mouths shut. Kakashi cleared his throat.

"Um, could you give us a reason why, perhaps?"

"Do you need an answer? I'll go with you. That's all you need to know."

That dark gleam momentarily came back to his eye. "Don't make us regret this decision, Naruto."

"I think I already have."

-

The return to Konoha was uneventful. Tsunade-baachan addressed me formally, something I was not used to. I didn't see any of my old childhood friends until the week after my arrival, and the reunion was uncouth and of no importance to me. Well, not that I had expected anything less.

It was Summer in Konoha, and the scorching heat I was so frequently exposed to in my youth began to take it's toll on the farmers' crops. What's worse was that there was a drought that particular year, and the sun was relentless on Fire country's back. The morale of the people distinctly dropped, and everyone (the Jonnin) was severely deliberating backing out of the war as gracefully as doable.

The Raikage wouldn't have that, of course. Thus, the Summer passed in low spirit.

Some months went by, and word got out that Kumo and Iwa were tightening each others nooses. Everyone now knew and talked of war, and from what I heard, there were already refugees in the surrounding, smaller countries. Kusagakure, Amegakure, and the ever-popular Bird country were now over-populated with fleeing citizens from both sides of the fight. It was quite the mess. And that's where Konoha stepped in.

The penniless people of both Kumo and Iwa were at odds with each other, even though they didn't really have any quarrel at all. Since Raikage and Tsuchikage hated each other, they stupidly thought that they should follow their example and fight too. Talk about idiocy. Pure _idiocy!_

Konoha's mission: divide the emigrants into three different countries, conceivably four. The desired outcome: less fighting, less casualties, less hatred.

Easier said then done.

We received our orders on a Friday. It was hot, as usual. Fire nation had the blessing of extended summers. I stepped out of the administrative building as inconspicuously as achievable, glancing both ways before I crossed the street. Some people knew about my return; most didn't. It was difficult, to say in the least, staying inside all day... then again it was better then being out in the heat...

"Naruto?"

Now theres a voice I never expected to hear today.

Slowly, I turned to face Sakura, and her unavoidable temper. But I was wrong for once. She didn't seem angry. She looked... hesitant. Shy... nervous?

Uh-oh.

"I was, um, wondering if you would like to get some lunch with me... for old times' sake," she finished, blushing slightly.

To say I was speechless... would be a _very_ large understatement. But my wit quickly recollected itself from the shock and became skeptical. "I didn't know you even wanted to remember the old times, Sakura."

Indignation clearly flashed in her eyes. "I was offering you an invitation, _Naruto_. You didn't have to be an ass about it."

"Ass," I repeated.

"Yeah. I was being nice."

"Well, _Sakura-chan_, maybe I'm not ready to respond to your "_niceties_." Next time, you could start by apologizing first, and then maybe we'd be getting some ramen by now. See ya," I added swiftly before veering to the right, near an alley.

However, she would not take no for an answer.

I found myself pushed up against the alley wall, facing a furious Sakura. "Damn it Naruto!! I've tried to be nice!! I've tried to be sensitive and kind and patient!! But you aren't giving me anything to work with! Show some effort, for God's sake!!"

"I'll show some goddamn effort when you show some repentance. Let go of me!"

She did. "What the hell do you mean?"

I heaved a gruff sigh. "You mean you honestly don't know?"

She just looked at me with confused, angry eyes. How could she not know...? I decided not to answer her question. It would probably lead to some complicated discussion or something like that... and the last thing I wanted was complications. "It doesn't matter. It wouldn't change anything anyway. Let's just forget about this."

"Let's not, and say we did," she growled, mocking me. "Don't screw around, Naruto. And of course it matters. I could never forget - "

"Yeah, you don't need to tell me that," I hissed, surprising myself and her. "Everyone knows you remember everything, _Sakura-chan_. Is that why you won't forgive me for his death? Is that why you hate me so much? Is it so hard to "forgive and forget" with you?"

She stared at me incredulously, like I had just said something so mind-shocking. Well. I guess she really didn't understand my feelings then. Made me feel like -

"I never hated you, Naruto," she whispered, even though there was no need. No one was around. "I may have resented you for a time... but you never lost me completely. I could never hate you. And... I could never be whole without you around. I... missed you Naruto. But then you say that I despised you, all this time..." Tears formed at her eyes, and self-loathing was my dominant mentality. I had caused those tears.

(Strange how suddenly my hate for her seemed to vanish. Where did it go?)

She sniffed. "Is that what you've been thinking all this time?"

Well, this was turning out to be a exceptionally unusual day. There was no doubt that she was being truthful. I knew Sakura's facial expressions too well. Her feelings were stark out in the open.

And here I was, speechless _again._

We both just stood there for a time, staring at each other like we were seeing ourselves for the first time instead of the thousandth. It was funny, in a way... five years. Wasted. Gone. Well, I guess that isn't so funny.

"... You could've said something about it."

"You could have too."

"You were already mad at me. I didn't want to feed the fire."

She bit her lip, a growing habit of hers. (That's not attractive, Sakura.) "... I'm sorry. It's just... I was very... overwhelmed."

I exhaled. "So was I."

A few, awkward, seconds passed between us. As they passed, something was made known to me.

Firstly - Sakura didn't hate me. After all these years, I had been wrong in my assumption, and we had lost so much time. So _much.._.

Secondly – and I wasn't completely sure of this fact, since it seemed to good to be true – but it appeared Sakura missed me... as much as I missed her.

God, it was just like some teenage drama from one of those cheesy soaps. The two main characters are clever, strong, and beautiful but when it comes to love (love? How about fondness?) they both didn't know _shit_.

I guess those books didn't actually do anything for me then. Pity. And I thought my intellect had improved.

But those silent, uncomfortable moments flew by eventually. Someone had to break the stillness, and since Sakura didn't look like she was going to speak anytime soon...

"Sakura... I don't think I can just go and eat with you like the old times, or talk with you like when we were bored and Kakashi was late to train... it's a little too soon for that. But... I'm willing to try. I can't make any promises though," I added quickly. "Things change. People change. But I'm gonna give it my best, alright?" I managed a weak smile. It probably looked pathetic.

She returned my words with a small (but visible) smile. "Thank you, Naruto... and... I'll try too. To be more understanding."

After some more brief sentences and something that resembled a wave from both of us, we parted and went our separate ways. I tried to focus my mind on the mission at hand, but my thoughts were racing with this newfound knowledge.

Sakura had missed me. She had said so herself.

Maybe more should have been said. Maybe long confessions should have been made, or we should have yelled at each other to relieve some long-contained stress and anxiety, or hell, maybe we should have just gone to eat at Ichiraku's for a better start. But that was all we allowed at the time: and it was enough. Enough for now. There would be much more conversing later, that much I knew. But it could wait.

A sweat-drop rolled down my temple, and for the first time since I arrived back in Konoha, I didn't feel so divided from my old home. It felt nice, in an odd, nostalgic sort of way.

Home, once again, after five years of being a self-sent outcast for no likely reason. Like I said; soap opera.  
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Hmmn... short chapter... and after a long wait?? shame shame shame :((

Sorry for the long wait, guys. I think this chapter was harder to write. dunno why. Writers block? Laziness? plus it's not that long...

I'll have to work on that next chapter :p anywho, the POV's shall be switching from Sakura to Naruto in order to explain the story fully. And thank you for your reviews. I have to say, I didn't expect this story to get a lot of attention. after the horrendous first chapter (which I shall be editing sooner or later for grammatical errors and just plain crappiness), I got some bad reviews that I deserved very much. but I also got some very supportive ones that motivate me greatly :)

and I'm just gonna shut up now cuz this is taking so long.

(Reviews make me update faster ;] )

**~Weehoo107**


	4. Chapter 4

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**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto... if I did, everyone would be making out with each other XD**

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"You know you're just going to have to work with him in the end. You can't disobey Hokage-sama's orders."

The blond scratched his head – a growing habit of his - rather stupidly. "I know, but I'm not going down without protest."

I stuck out my lip. "She's working hard, you know? You could relieve her of some of that. Just try to be considerate, for once. Sai actually isn't that bad..."

"Hmph," was all I got in response.

After a number weeks being on the front-line, Naruto and I had finally seemed to break the ice and ease into that gentle relationship we had had before... almost. The threat of war and tension of missions had brought us back together and had tested us in ways only war could. That being said, we had slowly come to depend on each other once again and it strengthened our bond immensely over the past few months.

Naruto had slowly begun to pick up the pieces of his former life, and he appeared to be enjoying himself, which made me glad. I hadn't expected him to adjust so quickly, but from what I could pick up in our conversations, he had missed Konoha more then he was willing to admit. It hurt that he never told me this before, but I was happy that he was here now, to make up for the lost years we had spent apart and bitter towards each other.

Still, our awkwardness had not vanished completely. Somehow, I always managed to make a fool out of myself. I was supposed to be strong, damn it, but when a freakishly rare embarrassing incident (those seemed to be transpiring much more often) happened, the timing of his entrance was impeccable. My humiliating circumstances always seemed to occur around him, and however hard I tried, my cheeks would flush and further my mortification.

He would just grin and carry on with whatever he was doing. He refrained from bringing my clumsy errors to public, and for that, I was grateful. But if my awkward moments didn't pass soon, I would be known as the klutziest ninja to ever grace Konohagakure.

What's weird is that these clumsy moments only started a week or two after Naruto came back. He must have some kind of strange control over me.

I shook my head to rid myself of these thoughts. Naruto was right there, sitting next to me for crying out loud!! if he ever guessed what was going through my mind, I'd never hear the end of it.

As if on cue, he questioned me. "What are you thinking about, Sakura? Whatever it is, it must be important. Your forehead is all bunched up," he noted, casually slurping up some ramen.

I nearly choked on mine. "Nothing, j-just thinking..."

He rolled his eyes. "I know that Sakura, that's why I asked. Or are you thinking private thoughts of me?" Yeah, there was the Naruto I knew. He only came out once in a while, but when he did it was so... nostalgic.

Not to mention annoying.

I punched him on the arm as hard as I could without using my chakra. "No, you BAKA!! I'm just...pondering some things." I placed some money on the counter. That should take care of it...

"Heeey, I'm paying. It's the correct way to do things, right? Chivalry ain't dead," He said with a grin plastered n his face. " 'Sides, you paid last time. But I digress... you were saying?"

I sighed. He really wasn't going to let this go, was he?

_'Of course not, it's Naruto we're talking about. He may have changed in appearance, but his ulterior motives are the same. Just very carefully hidden...'_

"If you really must know, I was thinking about our latest assignment," I lied smoothly.

"Ah," he murmured, "That."

I eyed him with a curiosity renewed. "Worried?"

It would be strange if he was in fact worried. When it came to one-on-one fighting and Ninjitsu, he was a _monster._ His jitsu were executed flawlessly, and don't even get me _started_ on his speed... insanity. That's all there was to it. There was no _way_ he could be worried. I actually felt sorry for anyone who challenged him.

He glanced at me, bringing my thoughts to a halt, his mood altered by my words. There seemed to be a enigmatic gleam to his eye, a dangerous gleam... there was something I just couldn't put my finger on, a flicker of something else besides anxiety. It perplexed me to no end. But then his eyes changed instantly and were unfathomable, unreadable. "No... not about myself, at least."

Wait... what?

Though my interest in the conversation had spiked surprisingly, I held my tongue. Naruto's eyes had morphed from a warm, transparent liquid to an icy, abstruse solid. His cerulean orbs, usually happy and content with the world had darkened to a deep, pedantic blue that I was not prone to seeing – but then again, he had been gone for a long while. There were lots of things I didn't know about him now... being in his presence was unnerving, so intense.

Suddenly, he looked up at me and his disposition changed unexpectedly. "It would _so_ totally suck if Kakashi got hurt, Sakura. I'd be very upset," he added, a playful spark in his now happy eyes. Weren't they ambiguous a few moments ago?

"Bastard," I muttered under my breath. He was standing in front of me, having moved a bit quicker then I, but anyone could tell he was grinning wickedly after what transpired. But I enjoyed every second with Naruto, and I knew he did too. It went unsaid that we both reveled in each others company.

But after that little comment, I wonder how much he truly valued our time together...

-

The days passed. Summer turned to Fall and then to Winter. Naruto remained in Konoha, and showed no intention of leaving anytime soon. Believe it or not, the squabbles out by our borders had nearly ceased, and it seemed like the terrors of war were not going to reach us. The hatred had refused to die down however, and people were far from relaxing. The suspense of the situation was putting strain on everyone, and some people almost _wanted_ to war to start already because it was so stressful living under the constant fear.

At least in a war you could act. But this wasn't our war, and we were at the sidelines, watching without being able to intervene. We all thought this crazy, aggravating pressure would never end.

But then Tsuchikage had Raikage's daughter assassinated.

Within days of the horrible deed, we were called to the Jonnin gathering and informed that a select few would travel to aid Lightening. War was finally upon us.

Raikage was a spirited man; and with the quick temper and power he possessed, it was decided that the most level-headed ninja were to go on this mission. Naruto and I and a handful of others were called to the the land of Lightening from the Jonnin meeting. The air was so thick with tension and fear it was difficult to breathe. We departed soon thereafter, not wanting to waste precious time.

Our team consisted of Kakashi, Yamato-sempai, Sai, Naruto, myself and a few others that had the unfortunate honor of joining us. But though we had shinobi who were famous for the abilities, I didn't feel any safer. In fact, I was scared.

Actually, saying I was scared was an understatement.

Naruto spared a glance in my direction.

"It's alright, Sakura. Everything happens for the best. All we can do is try our hardest to prevent this."

Even as he spoke, he sounded quite hopeless. I moved closer to him, towards his glorious body heat in this numbing chill.

"I know," I whispered.

We had been traveling to Kumogakure for a day or two now, the wind and cold hindering us. Needless to say, we pressed on, though we were low on necessities such as extra clothing and food. But we were ninja; and we had to represent Konoha, no matter what. It would take more then wind and ice to stop us.

We decided to break for camp a little before sunset. It was going to be a frigid night, so maybe I could bunk with Kakashi, or if I'm desperate Sai would suffice...

Kakashi approached me, holding one sleeping bag, and one pillow. There was some kind of mischievous glint in his eye... I instantly became wary. Kakashi was known for his antics... even if they were for the good of the people he screwed with. Most of the the time though, they were for his own amusement. He had always been one to meddle in others affairs... as he got closer, a sinking feeling in my stomach arose.

I had a feeling this was _not_ for the good of the people.

"Naruto, Sakura. Since we're low on blankets and there isn't enough room for everyone, why don't you two share a sleeping bag?" I saw Kakashi's eye twinkle.

Damn Kakashi to the fiery pit of Hades.

"Uh, if you don't mind Sakura, I don't..."

I hadn't even _noticed_ Naruto had joined me, but sure enough, there he was, scratching his head with a slightly sheepish expression on his face. _Damn him too._

"There, two against one Sakura," Kakashi finished before I even said anything. There was something in his voice that sounded victorious, and it me made want to punch his lights out.

I had to fight the urge to protest. Partially because I was being offered to share a bed with Naruto, and the other part was... I was being offered to share a bed with _Naruto. _If the cold didn't kill me, the physical closeness would, of that I was sure.

But I recalled the warmth that had radiated from my teammate's body earlier and I just _had_ to feel that again, so reluctantly, I yanked Naruto's arm without a word and pulled him over to the far edge of the camp, where no one could really peek at us. It was embarrassing... ok, it was _beyond _embarrassing. But it was worth it.

It would all be much more tolerable if Naruto would just wipe that stupid grin off his face.

"C'mon, move," I muttered darkly as I laid the bedding down on the ground and slipped into the bag. It was cold.

"Someones in a bad mood," he pointed out. "Am I that detestable you can't even sleep next to me?"

"Only when you're acting so immaturely. Can't you at least _try _to clear out the suggestive images going on in your under-developed brain?"

"Ouch, that hurt. But seriously, do you really mind that much? If you want me to, I could go sleep with Sai..." He winced. I could imagine how their moods would be in the morning. Not to mention the sexual innuendo...

"Nah, that isn't necessary," I said, sighing. "Just hurry up and get in here. I'm cold."

"Yes ma'am," he mumbled under his breath. I let that little comment go.

He slid silently into the bag, and almost immediately I could feel the warmth flowing from his body, collecting and accumulating in the bed. Unconsciously, I scooted closer to him, earning a slightly stunned look from my companion.

But then, it was my turn to be shocked.

He reached around my waist, pulling my body even _closer_ to his, our faces very nearly touching. I could feel his breath on my neck, and the heat from his abdomen felt _amazing. _Before I knew what I was doing, I had nuzzled into his chest and grasped his arms, supporting myself. His arms were fully around me now, securing his grip on me, tightening their hold. The shivers that went down my spine had nothing to do with the cold outside my sleeping bag when he exhaled yet again, this time at the joint by my neck and shoulder. I felt his breath glide over my skin, almost like a caress. It was only after that that I noticed our bodies were touching in a most... _intimate _way.

Our chests were touching, as were our stomachs. He leg was slightly over mine, resting calmly on my theigh. Once my brain had grasped the nearness of the situation, I almost died of humiliation. I could practically feel the heat rising to my cheeks, and my heart was pumping out of rhythm in my breast. The blood was racing relentlessly in my veins. Everyone within a two mile vicinity could've heard my heartbeat.

"Are you warm yet, Sakura?" he murmured, his voice dropping dangerously low and taking on a husky tone. His throat vibrated with his low speech and it felt like little ripples of heaven as small shudders hit my own throat.

Where the _hell_ did he learn how to do that?

"W-what?" That was stupid. And pathetic.

"I said," he repeated in that deliciously alluring voice, "Are.." his lips traced my collar bone, "...you," he softly pressed them to the underside of my jaw. "...Warm?"

Warm? I was on _fire._

All I could do as a reply was choke out a 'yes', and hope to whatever god was out there to stop this madness. This was _Naruto. _My teammate. My lifelong friend. My comrade. _Not _my lover.

So, I pushed him away. I could see some sadness in his eyes, but no surprise. Maybe he had been surprised that I even let him go this far.

"Go to sleep, Naruto," I whispered. "And keep your hands to yourself."

His lips turned slightly upwards, but his eyes still held some regret. "I'll try. One question, though...

"Did you like it?"

I didn't have to ask to know what he was talking about.

"Go to sleep, Naruto," I answered, much more annoyed now. I saw him grin before I turned my back to him.

"You didn't answer my question, Sakura-chan," he breathed lightly on my back. "See you in the morning."

In the morning, his arm was wrapped around me, keeping me warm.

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**GASP it took wayy to long for me to update!!!! **

I am ashamed yet again T.T somehow, this story just takes a little longer then others. My apologies. I hope you don't hate me.

Anyway, give me some feedback on this one please. I actually had a lot of fun writing this :D especially the sleeping bag part... Heheh ;3

R&R!!

**~Weehoo107**


	5. Chapter 5

Kumogakure. Official ninja village of Lightening. Well known for it's fabulous Onigiri, hard-headed women, and ninja who can kick some serious ass.

I failed to repress my sigh as we entered through the gates.

Sakura gave me a quizzical glance. My response was a nod of the head. I didn't really feel like talking about my feelings, least of all to her. She would just worry more then she had to, and I didn't want to place any more stress on her then necessary.

I could hold my anger in, even if it was only for a little while.

It was cold in Lightening country, much more so then in the Fire country. The raw cold made our winters look like a sunny day at the beach or something. I glanced over my shoulder and saw Sai shiver and clutch his cape closer to his body, trying to preserve any heat he could.

I wasn't cold at all, really. It was one of the many advantages of being the _Kyuubi jinchuuriki._ My body's temperature ran slightly higher then normal people, about 100 degrees, maybe 101 on a hot day. So this really didn't bother me. I kept my pace all throughout the journey, occasionally helping others with their packs.

Sakura shuddered when a chilling breeze hit her. I moved towards her, attempting to warm her up, but she stopped me with a look.

After last night, she had been very quiet. She didn't ignore me, but she didn't say anything unless spoken to. I caught her glancing at me with something other then distaste (in fact I think it was very close to interest, but that could have been me), and that fueled my ego immensely, but other then that? Nothing. Our lack of communication was driving me insane.

I was so worried I had taken it a step to far that night. But I wasn't even really thinking – it was just natural instinct that was speaking. What really worried me was that she was acting like nothing had happened. She just shrugged it off like it didn't matter, like it was so very insignificant.

(That hurts, Sakura-chan.)

We arrived at the Kumogakure administration building at about noon. There were people glaring at us and pointing mockingly, their mothers looking on with scowls – the people we were willing to give our lives up for. I saw some kids snickering in our direction, and silenced them with a look. One thing I always despised about Kumo – they lacked respect.

We had received orders that the Raikage was busy this particular week with... frankly, everything. The whole world was up in arms about the imposing threat of war, and now it was staring at them in the face, glaring at them in the eye. If they had been nervous before, they were even worse now. It was insanity... but haven't I mentioned that already?

War is hell. But I don't see how I can help that.

_( Not anymore.) _

"Naruto, we have to check into a hotel for the night," I heard Kakashi mutter as he passed me. "We'll have to split up... you take Sakura, and keep her safe. There are plenty of people here who are opposed to us even stepping into city boundaries... try to keep a low profile."

"Understood," I whispered back reflexively. My brain was over-taxed from the days of traveling and stress and I was in desperate need of sleep...

I thought I heard Kakashi mutter something like "Where's my goddamn hospitality," but I could have been wrong. My eyes blurred, and my hearing seemed to be muffled from exhaustion.

I grabbed Sakura's arm and pulled her away from the group (just like she did with me the previous night) and led her away from the safety of our friends. My lips were too numb to move, but luckily she didn't ask questions. I'm sure she would bombard me when we reached a place to sleep, though...

It occurred to me that is was uncharacteristic of Sakura not to protest as I directed her through the crowded streets of Kumogakure. She just held on tightly to my arm and followed obediently. It gave me a fleeting moment of hope, that she would trust me so completely as to follow me without question in a foreign land. I clutched her closer as we approached an inn around the outskirts of the village.

Some kid sneezed as we entered the warm inn. I didn't turn to see who.

It was a decent place, probably had a few bugs crawling around and about, but all in all satisfactory enough. If it had a bed, it would work. It was named _'Tsubaki Inn" _- kinda ironic that _tsubakis _can't grow out here in the cold, but I'm sure all the people around here had at least heard of the famous flower from old loves stories and children's tales.

I had been right about the decency part. There were some shady people in the place (not to mention slutty) and it had a queer smell all throughout the lobby. Sakura glanced up at me and that _are-you-kidding-me? _Look flashed briefly upon her face, provoking a sigh from me.

Oh well. If we got a room with a bed and a toilet, I would be happy.

The clerk at the front desk glared at me with annoyance and at Sakura with a bit too much longing for my liking, and I felt my companion's hands clench and tighten as the middle-aged man undressed her with his eyes. If only this man knew what she would have done to him if we were back in Konoha...

After about ten minutes of persuasion and bribing, he gave us our room key reluctantly and scooted us off down the hall. Sakura walked in front of me now, obviously furious. And I thought the night couldn't get any worse.

As soon as the door shut with a 'click' the rampage started.

Now I've been around. I know the backstreet language of thugs, I've heard their profanity and experienced their lewdness first-hand. I've been in the company of men when we're on the border between life and death, or when we're engaging enemy shinobi, and I also know what kind of language they use when fighting those shinobi. But none of that mattered when I was around Sakura, no sir. She put those men to shame.

...Dear lord. Was she _spitting?_

I sighed and plopped down on the bed, stretching my feet from my travels. My whole body ached, now that I noticed it... Sakura didn't look like she was gonna heal me anytime soon.

As my pick-haired girl paced the room with the mouth of a sailor, I took the time to glance around our suit. It was alright; nice bed, pleasant wallpaper, I could see a little bathroom with a small but sturdy tub, generic lampshades.... The wallpaper had little roses on it. Ah.

_Tsubakis. _

Looking around the room, my eyes drifted back to the bed I was currently sitting on, and my mind had beautiful, restful thoughts of slumber in a nice, warm bed and maybe an extra blanket...

That's when I noticed it.

_The _bed. "_The" _as in _singular._

…

Oh _shit. _

"So why did you bring me here, Naruto?", Sakura began at impeccable timing, swirling a strand of pink hair around her finger.

I gulped and regained my voice. "Kakashi's orders. Apparently it's rowdy out in the streets..."

Sakura sighed, visibly annoyed. "We can take care of ourselves..."

"I'm sure we could, Sakura, when we're fully rested and not about to drop-dead from a long and tedious journey. Don't be illogical."

"Hmph," was all I received for a reply, and I thought _'screw it, she's tired already and I'm tired; why the hell not?'_

"I'm not sleeping on the floor," I started.

Sakura blinked at me with confused eyes and then, as she glanced about the room, I saw exasperation appear. It was mostly pure luck and the fact that we were both so tired we didn't want to fight over something as small as 'who gets the bed'.

"Whatever, Naruto," She sighed, "Just don't snore."

My lip jutted out into a pout. "I don't snore."

"Yes you do and you know it."

"Alright, alright, I snore, so what? You drool. Not like I care or anything."

She glared at me, and then lay down on the bed. "I'm going to sleep. You should too."

"You don't have to tell me twice," I grunted.

She fell asleep easily enough. her short, shallow breaths soon turned to long, deep ones and her whole body which had previously been tensed from anxiety relaxed as sleep overtook her. It was strange how watching her do something as trivial as falling asleep could be so interesting to me.

Laying in a bed with Sakura was awkward, but pleasant. It was comforting to see her body move slowly up and down with every breath she took. She smelled like flowers, roses and vanilla. I remember thinking _'how the hell did she remain smelling like that after all that hard traveling?'_ Actually, I didn't care too much. She smelled heavenly, all the same.

In, out, in, out... I wondered idly how her face looked at this rare moment of peace. It must be beautiful...

Cautiously, I moved her body gently to a different side. She didn't stir in the least, which made me feel sorry for the poor woman. She must have been absolutely exhausted.

There. Now I could see her face, aligned in the moonlight that was streaming from our window. I tried to look away, but I couldn't help bit to pause to admire her.

The nearly blue moonlight illuminated her skin, almost making it glow. Her hair tumbled over her face in the messy, perfect way, a strand falling over her nose, down past her chin. Her eyelids, close to lavender in this light, were fluttering from a dream I could not see, and her hand rested just slightly above her right breast, touching the exposed skin there. Her lips, barely parted, sucked in some air, and the way her hair glimmered in the moonlight.... it was almost ethereal. Scratch that, it was obviously something divine.

The little dribble of drool falling from her mouth was a surprisingly nice touch.

Something this beautiful should not be involved in something as crazy as a war.

I had the urge to reach out, touch her hand, her face, her hair, anything that belonged to her... but I resisted.

I wouldn't make that mistake again. Not when it would come back to hurt me. Because as much as I wanted to touch her, feel her, smell her, _taste _her... it wouldn't matter in the end. In the end all it would come down to is pain.

Pain from rejection. Pain from dismissal. I could never atone from my sins... how could she forgive me when I couldn't even forgive myself?

(_Sasuke, Sasuke...)_

And so, with that, I moved away from her heat, her smell, from _her, _into the cold side of the bed where the emptiness seemed so much it threatened to crush me. She wasn't even two feet away, and yet it felt like she was a thousand miles away...

I didn't get any sleep that night. You can have sleep when you really need it, or when you feel like it. It's a natural part of life.

I was too busy staring at the beautiful creature next to me, the one thing I wanted in to world, the one thing I couldn't have. It wasn't until dawn broke that I realized I hadn't sleep a wink.

I turned over on my bed, wondering how the hell I was going to last through the next day.

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Well, that took a long time to write up. Plus, when I finished, my internet crapped out and I had to wait about a week for it to come back... I nearly died. lol.

I hope I didn't dissapoint with this chapter, most of it was written without a thesaurus. And any mistakes you all take note of, please tell me. It helps me improve greatly ;)

What else can I say? Read and Review?... yeah, that sounds about right :)

R&R


	6. Chapter 6

I apologize in advance for any grammatical errors. I know there are a few.

**I don't own Naruto or any of it's glory. I know, it sucks.**

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**In the End  
_Chapter 6  
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On the following day, it snowed. I was ecstatic: Naruto wasn't as happy. I got the feeling he wasn't too fond of snow. A true-born Fire country man.

Though, as the morning went on, I noticed a few things that puzzled me.

At first, I thought Naruto was just sleepy; after all, we had just journeyed miles and miles the previous day, leaving us famished and drained when we arrived in Lightening country, but as the morning dragged on I became aware of the uncharacteristic down-curve of his lips, the way his cerulean eyes lacked their passionate spark, and just the way he was _walking – _it was all so atypical of him. Needless to say, it perplexed me greatly, since I was usually depending on Naruto to keep me going through the day.

Hell, _everyone _depended on Naruto to get through the day.

It was difficult to have disrespect Naruto, even when he insisted on helping from the sidelines, like he was now. It was nonobligatory; everyone just appeared drawn to him, like he had his own gravitational force. I have to admit, the aura that radiated from him was addicting to be around and his spirit certainly was refreshing in these dark times.

Which made it all the worse when he didn't break out of his strange, silent behavior.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I muttered as we entered the Lightening administration building.

He blinked innocently, immediately coming out of his strange behavior. "What d'you mean? I'm fine."

"That's the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard," I retorted. "You are _not _fine, Uzumaki Naruto. You're lacking in... something."

He rolled his eyes. "Geez, sorry if I'm not exactly in the best mood, Sakura. Not everyone can be as energetic as you."

"You're calling _me _the energetic one?_" _

A silence.

"... Alright, that was kind of stupid. But I meant like, mood-wise."

I restrained a sigh. "You're going to have to tell me sooner or later."

He bit his lip and stared at me with unreadable, pensive eyes. "... Alright. But I can't guarantee anything."

And that's when I _knew _something was definitely wrong. Because in all the years I had known him – through all the strife, struggle and challenges we faced together – Naruto would always be the one I would vent my feelings too, and he would share his feelings with me, promise that he'd always be there, and the majority of the time he was.

Whatever was bothering him, it was big enough that he didn't want to tell me.

I looked away, shielding my face to hide my pain. It hurt, even now, to know that Naruto still didn't trust me through and through. Well, I suppose I deserved it, after my actions a few years ago... nonetheless, it still stung when he gazed at me with uncertainty in his eyes.

We entered the administration building around nine in the morning, just as the sun began to shine over the rooftops of the crowded village. The frost on the town homes made them shimmer and sparkle as the sun continually rose up into the sky, setting rays of yellow and pink just before the blue, winter sky would appear. It was a breathtaking sight really; it almost took my mind off of everything happening around me. Almost.

A quick glance at Naruto informed me his uncharacteristic brooding had not yet lessoned, and I could not contain my sigh as we sat down in the waiting room by the Raikage's office. He just continued to stare at me with those mysterious reflective orbs.

I don't know how long we sat there, waiting, but each passing second was quite awkward. I hated it. When did we become so distant?

Glancing over at Naruto, I saw his eyebrows pull together in thought.

Did something happen last night that made him so secluded?

Sighing, I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the cold gray wall behind me. Men.

The rest of the wait passed in a blur after that. It was almost as if I was on the other side of very thick glass, just watching everyone around panic. What confused me was that I wasn't anxious in the least. Concerned, maybe... but as I looked around me and saw the fear in the eyes of ninja, I knew I was not like them.

This was all so unnecessary.

We entered the Raikage's office without a problem. As the door shut, all sound was blocked off from the outside world. It was like the last nail in the coffin for me. With a 'click' of the door shutting, my eyes opened against my will and the glass surrounding me, keeping me safe from the horrors of the present, cracked and shattered...

I took my place between Naruto and Kakashi. Even with his mask on, my former sensei looked grim. I actually winced at the hardness in his eye. He was prepared for war. He had experienced war before; he knew the signs of an oncoming conflict.

Scanning the room, I noticed at least one envoy from each major country was there, quietly observing every move the Raikage made.

As I gazed throughout the room, Naruto shifted, catching my attention.

His countenance was similar to Kakashi's, but also different in a way. It shouldn't have surprised me. Naruto was different than everyone else in so many ways. But I had never seen him so attuned to his surroundings before. It was as if the air around him was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

His jaw taut, hard set. His chest, broad, raised upward in a figure of pride. His shoulders, relaxed, but also with the appearance of someone who could move quickly if need be. And his eyes... the eyes of someone preparing to walk straight into darkness. The eyes of a man who would sacrifice his life for his loved ones if need be.

The realization caught me off guard as I quickly glanced up at Naruto. Man? Wasn't it just yesterday I had punched him for offending Sasuke, or he had pulled yet another prank on Iruka?

I looked at him now, and I didn't see any trace of the boy I had once known. I saw a man. A very serious, opinionated, handsome man....

Wait. One. Second. Hold everything.

_Handsome?_

I did _not _just think that. I refuse to believe I just admitted that Naruto was exceptionally good-looking. He's just physically attractive and nice to look at sometimes.

…

Oh _god, _what is wrong with me?

I was brought out of my idiotic thoughts by Naruto's concerned stare. "Sakura? Is there something wrong?"

_Yes. _"No, I'm fine." _I think I'm attracted to you. _"Perfectly normal."

"Uh-huh," he replied unbelievingly, relocating his attention to the center of the room. "Right. I'm gonna wanna hear more about that later."

My cheeks flushed inadvertently, furthering my shame. If he knew what I was thinking about, he'd be all over me... touching me... just like that night we slept together...

OH MY _GOD. _

Trying to escape from the awkwardness of the moment, I turned my focus to the Raikage. There were many people from what I could see, all grave-faced as we waited for Raikage's word – the word that would either condemn or absolve the actions which lead to his daughter's death.

He glanced around at us before he began.

"I shall speak plainly," he started.

"War is upon us and those who do not wish to take part in it would be wise to depart from this room at once. I give you leave to go. No one will judge you for your actions – you have my word as Raikage."

The room was silent. Then, one by one, some individuals began to leave, shaking their heads as they went.

"They won't even stand and fight," someone hissed from behind. Naruto's eyes turned accusing, but he remained still, refraining from voicing his thoughts. It was a shame really; I wanted to know what he was thinking, whether he was faulting the ones leaving or the person who made that little comment.

He turned to me then. "So few," he whispered, "so few are left..."

With a shock, I realized that there were indeed very few people left in the room. The remainder of the attendants noticed this too, unfortunately. Raikage was passive as ever, but I suspected he was boiling on the inside.

As soon as the doors closed, he heaved a sigh, sitting back down in his chair.

"That was a heavy blow to our military personal," said one envoy from Sunagakure. Quiet murmurs agreed with him, stating the obvious.

We were at a clear disadvantage, and it was no small disadvantage either. (But then, we already knew that.)

"Yes, the odds are against us," Raikage said defiantly, "but we also have other allies. The smaller countries may be many, but their ninja are average at best, with the exception of a few. We may have less shinobi, but they are all experienced and proven. While the odds are yet against us, the berth between our skills and our knowledge may give us the upper hand in this war," he continued. "I firmly believe we have a fighting chance if we persevere..."

"But?" voiced Kakashi.

"I shall be honest with you all," the Lightening leader admitted. "The allies I speak of are not exactly... _trustworthy_."

Confusion was the dominant expression in the room. Almost immediately the proxies began whispering to themselves, wondering just who these 'allies' were. I myself was curious. I turned to look at Naruto to distinguish whether or not he knew what Raikage was talking about, since he knew much more about the secrets of Konoha then I did. It was actually one of the reasons his desertion was so controversial, besides the fact that he was the vassal of the Kyuubi.

But my questions caught in my throat as I gazed at his face.

It was as if he had frozen with dread, his countenance permanently stuck in horror. If you were not close to him, you would have just expected he was alarmed over something trivial, but I knew him better then anyone... and I could read his visage like I was reading a book.

Never have I ever seen his mind so open in my life. The emotion that lay there, for all to see, was not one I was familiar associating Naruto with.

Fear. It rolled off him in waves, it was apparent in his face. His eyes, as if they were in a different place and time, were distant and cold. His lips, usually turned upwards in a cheerful smile or grin were placed in a concerned frown. His entire body, in fact.... it just screamed 'worry.'

"Missing-nin," he said softly. "You acquire missing-nin to fill the gaps in our military personal. It would make sense... sense, if they were not aggressively opposed to siding with any organized government," he said motionlessly.

My body stiffened and I inwardly gasped. I recalled the conversation Kakashi, Tsunade, Sai and I had when we had been ordered to retrieve Naruto. Konoha had a past with missing-nin, that I now knew, but Kumo too? Was it coincidence?

It seemed highly unlikely. I burned to talk to Naruto.

Raikage nodded grimly, agreeing with my life-long teammate. "It is the only way. "

For a split second, everyone as struck with quiet shock. If for a moment.

But then the previous murmuring amplified and the room was filled with shouts and arguments. Kakashi rubbed his temples while Naruto stared at the floor. Chaos ensued, tensions rose as the minutes passed. The disputes became heated, and somehow, no one could stop themselves and regain self-control.

Raikage just stood up. That was all it took to gain their attention.

"I will speak with the specifically assigned ambassadors from each country now," he said dangerously. "Everyone else, you have my permission to leave. Tomorrow, we will have the final meeting to decide the details of this alliance. Forgive me for making this meeting so brief," he finished, his voice not apologetic at all. The ambassadors bowed their heads slightly, a sign of understanding.

Raikage motioned for Kakashi to come forward and I knew it was time to leave the room. The next hour of discussion was classified.

This was it. My chance to talk to Naruto and get the direct truth out of him about all of this. No more stalling.

Grabbing his wrist, I lead him out of the conference room, ignoring the stares and his own protests. Pulling him away from the administration building, we stopped by a little snow-ridden group of trees, blooming in the winter. I was too preoccupied to notices the color of the blossoms or the people walking by.

"This is the second time you've done this to me, Sakura," he said, sounding annoyed. His body was still tense from the previous meeting, and his jaw was set in a firm line.

He had a lot of explaining to do.

"Would you mind telling me how you knew about the collaboration of missing-nins and military villages and I didn't?"

He shrugged. "Ask Tsunade. She's the one who decided not to tell you."

I burned inwardly. But he had a point. This was classified information, and the Hokage had the right to choose who would know about this and who wouldn't. It was controversial information, after all. But the fact that I was assigned for this mission and didn't know all the facts behind the details, or what they were intending to do... I felt betrayed.

I sighed. I would always be the third wheel.

"Hey, hey, hey," said Naruto, in an obvious attempt to be cheerful after seeing my chagrin. "It's actually not as bad as it sounds. Sure, we may not have great ties with Kumo, and yeah, this whole business with missing-nin is pretty crazy, but I think we could pull together," he said with a grin. "We all hate Iwa anyway, and this is a really good chance for Suna and Kumo to get familiar."

"Right," I answered skeptically.

Naruto gave me a reproving look. "Really Sakura-chan. You've got to lighten up. You can't be 'doom and gloom' all the time. The world would be a horrible place if everyone was like that."

I stared at him for a long second. He was right, of course. He had been right a lot lately. Did it have something to do with his disappearance?

I voiced my thoughts.

"No... and yes," he said pensively. "I don't think I've really gotten any smarter then I was before... it's just that I had so much time to think about my life and to just question some of my actions. Thinking it over, a lot of the things I did were pretty stupid... but they were true to form. I just didn't present myself so well," he finished with a small chuckle. "That's why I wasn't taken so seriously. But I did mean what I said Sakura, all of it."

"I know you did."

He seemed pleased enough with my answer. But then he sighed.

"So," he muttered, running his hand though his hair, "What now?"

We both looked towards the administration building, anticipating something to happen. But nothing did. It was sort of anticlimactic, with all the tension in the air.

"I don't know. But let's just stick together through this, ok? I don't know who I can trust anymore."

He turned to me with a small smile. "You don't have to say that twice."

* * *

Late update as usual. As always, I stay true to character.  
Time skip next chappie :D

R&R,  
_**~Weehoo107**_


	7. Chapter 7

I just _know _I'm gonna get flamed after this.

**Don't own Naruto.  
**

* * *

Three? Five?

Naruto pressed his fingers to the cold ground. The night air was cool and wet from the previous rainfall which had occurred not an hour ago. Or was it two hours ago? How long had he been kneeling there?

He shifted his body weight and his thighs burned in reply. Yeah, he'd been kneeling for some time now.

His eyebrows pulled together, concentrating harder.

A slight movement from across the field of grass... Five. Definitely.

Naruto sighed, running his hand through his hair. Two against five. Well, he'd been expecting this. Sakura could handle two, although he really didn't like putting her in danger. If she had just listened to him and stayed in Konoha he wouldn't have to worry about this.

It stated very clear in the ninja requirements and regulations handbook that shinobi who are romantically involved should not be in the same squad, let alone participate in the same mission.

But no, Sakura had insisted. Naruto was ANBU, as was she, and while he agreed with her that in a two-man team the best results come when one individual is a long-range fighter and the other a medic, this was crossing lines. Theoretically they weren't breaking any rules, since the nature of their relationship remained unknown to the general public and high-ranking ANBU officers, but it didn't help at all when Naruto had to leave her to engage enemies. Sakura was strong, this he knew, but that assurance wasn't enough when his lover was fighting two to three foreign shinobi at a time.

He grit his teeth. _Pull it together, Uzumaki. _

He informed Sakura of the situation and she promptly nodded her assent at his orders before racing down the line of trees separating the forest from the wide open plain. They would attack from the sides.

Naruto had been in the ninja business for a long time, but that thrill, that rush always persisted before he dove in for the kill. He lived for that moment. He thrived off of it, that exhilaration.

Forcing his legs to stand up and simultaneously remain as quiet as possible, he began running through the trees, coming up on the enemies' left flank. His breath was muted, but harsh. The tips of his fingers trembled with anticipation.

Someone had trembled before a battle before, long ago. Who was it...?

_Focus, Uzumaki. Don't lose your focus. _

He clenched his fists to stop their shaking and urged his body to go faster. Sakura had stopped just beyond the resting point. Good. He was nearly there also.

It happened so fast.

He didn't even feel the pain as the kunai plunged into his leg. Not when the three hidden ninja came from behind. Not when he was hit with that shuriken in his arm.

His eyes were focused on Sakura fighting. And fight she did.

Her fist connected with one of the opponents' jaws and Naruto heard a grimace-inducing crack as his bone broke before a loud scream of pain. She flung a man off her back as he tried to slit her throat with a kunai, said man receiving a powerful elbow-jerk to his chest. He was dead before Sakura turned around.

Naruto then moved back into action, grabbing the throat of one of his attackers and slamming the head of his assailant into his chakra-filled knee, cracking his skull. His hands moved to sign a Fuuton ninjitsu, but realized Sakura was about to punch the living heck out of the ground below him, so he opted for getting out of the way as quickly as possible.

He was in the plain now, in wide open space. A breeze hit him and cooled the perspiration from his skin. It felt nice.

Sakura stomped out from the darkness of the trees. Her figure was undamaged to Naruto's immediate relief, although judging from the indignant quirk in her step he suspected his own figure was the one in immediate danger of being harmed.

He briefly considered running, but checked himself.

The irate pinkette stopped a few feet from him and crossed her arms, obviously irritated. She said nothing.

Crickets chirped. Naruto felt awkward until her realized she actually expected _him_ to say something.

He scratched his head. "Uh... guess we should move on."

"We are not moving on until you explain your behavior back there," she hissed angrily. Naruto's eyes widened, not expecting the sting in her tone.

"What?"

She threw her hands up in the air as a sign of exasperation. "You just froze in battle Naruto! You broke rule number one! You've never had this kind of trouble before!"

"That's because you weren't around."

Her body tensed and Naruto bit his lip.

"You... you...."

"I was too worried to move," Naruto admitted hesitatingly. "I couldn't move when I thought he was going to..." He left the sentence open for deliberation.

Sakua seemed calmer. Or so he thought. He couldn't read her through the ANBU mask.

"We're not doing this again. I don't care if we're technically not breaking any rules or whatever. This is too dangerous."

She remained quiet as Naruto walked past her but reached out to lightly touch his arm.

"Let me heal you."

"I can heal myself."

Sakura muttered something along the lines of "can you?" under her breath, obviously not intending Naruto to hear. He did.

He paused. He wasn't in the mood for a woman's touch or a woman's smile. War was for men. It was man's prospect, it was horrible and terrible and senseless and cruel... but no, man couldn't heal himself. So he relented his childish remarks and turned to face Sakura.

He hoped she could see the honesty in his eyes. "I'm sorry for freezing in the fight. It won't happen again."

Sakura stared up at him for the longest five seconds until she looked down and continued healing him. The tension had almost visibly deflated.

"Baka," she muttered again. "That's not what I was angry about." She slapped him lovingly on the knee.

Naruto smiled.

* * *

Alright, alright, alright. You have full flaming rights now. I do have a few excuses for being so late in updating this... but really, I think they'd just inspire any normal person. I wasn't inspired, I was sucked dry.

This was a short time skip of about a year and a half into the war. If you think I should continue this story, please comment... but be warned the ending I have for it is less than pleasant.

**~Weehoo107**


	8. Chapter 8

**Don't own Naruto. **

* * *

**Chapter Eight**

* * *

I am a Shinobi of Konohagakure. I have been trained on how to locate and disarm an enemy since I was a little girl. I graduated top female in my class and proceeded then to reach the level of ANBU, the highest ranking in the Shinobi world. I am an achiever. I give to the world.

Keep telling yourself that. Repeat it in your mind, over and over and over – because there will be times when you feel that there is no way in hell what you're doing could possibly benefit anyone. And trust me, there will be times when you'd rather kill yourself than your enemy – and in any other case, I would highly encourage you to do so – but you've taken an oath to survive at all costs for the greater good of Konoha's citizens. So tough it up, babe. Wipe that blood off your cheek; we're only getting started.

That's what they told us in ANBU. Tell yourself these things everyday when you wake up; you're important, you're necessary, if we don't have you we may not win.

I believed it at first. Then I realized the truth when I stared at myself in the mirror, and didn't recognize the face in the reflection.

I'm worthless, aren't I?

I don't amount to anything. And whatever I do accomplish is horrific – _will these images ever disappear?_ - and demeaning. What good have I carried out? Would the villagers be proud of me if they knew what I had done – the blood that rests on my hands? Innocent blood. Might as well be theirs.

Naruto wouldn't understand. He seems blissfully immune to all this... torture. This agony surrounding us. He is focused on the goal. He's concentrating on the task, the mission at hand, like a good shinobi.

I've forgotten the goal.

What's one person from another? Another pair of eyes. Another patch of brown hair. Another mouth turned down in a grimace. Might as well be one of my fellow villagers. Might as well be one of my comrades. Might as well be _me_.

I am falling. Falling into that deep, dark pit of confusion the ANBU trainer warned me about. And it's not reaching the bottom that hurts most – it's the fall. The _fall. _

What would Naruto say if he knew? Oh, the _disappointment_ in his eyes. It would crush him to know his beloved, stainless Sakura was really not as spotless as he thought. He didn't know the dark thoughts that possessed me when he went off on his missions.

I'm slipping, and there's nothing I can do about it.

Just a few days ago, Naruto and our squad were completing a mission on the border of Fire country and River country. There was a burning on one side of a small town. Some rowdy Iwagakure nin looking for trouble.

A large barn was burning, and some dead bodies were strewn carelessly around the ground. Everyone ignored them but me. Someone has to pay attention to these things, if no one else will.

We approached the barn quietly. There were feminine screams and pleads coming from behind the barn, and men's rough laughter. The flames were climbing the barn rapidly. Black smoke was rising into the air, polluting the clean summer air around us.

It was then that we heard the screams of terror coming from inside the barn.

We acted quickly, but it was already too late for some. The smoke has suffocated some of the older, weaker villagers. Some of the children were also claimed. The high-risk groups.

We split up, some of us taking the nin on, others saving the villagers. It didn't take long. They weren't much of a fight for us. For the women screaming behind the barn though...

They thanked us profusely, offering us money and gifts. But we wouldn't take them.

The next day we burned the village down and escorted the remaining immigrants from the country. It didn't belong there; it was illegal. Everyone there was. In the process of moving them, some of the injured died. There was a young girl, probably around thirteen, who I had temporarily treated. Quiet, tortured eyes. She had been behind the barn. Once my superior caught sight of me healing her he ordered me to stop. And so I did, to the protests of her mother. I still picture that young girl, glaring at me. _How could you do this? _Her eyes said. She died soon thereafter.

How could I do this, indeed?

Naruto patted my back with a resigned face and said "No exceptions, Sakura. Our own come first."

I'm slipping, and I _don't want_ to do anything about it.

Dark thoughts overwhelm me when he leaves. I will never tell him. I can never admit it – it hurts to even think it but I still do. In the midst of all the confusion and hurt and blackness, there is one, lone image, one thought in particular, one so false and wrong it makes me shiver and clutch my chest.

And yet, I still ponder it. I don't throw it out of my mind; I keep it locked away, hidden. Only when am I alone do I take it out, question it.

Sometimes, when Naruto leaves, I lie on the bathroom floor crying because I am so alone, and yet I don't want anyone interrupting my loneliness. Especially him. And then it comes to me, not of my own volition, but of that dark, mysterious side of myself that had been showing up much more recently.

Sometimes, I don't want Naruto to come back at all.

* * *

** Sakura's losing it. I apologize for any grammatical errors - if you see any, call me out on it. **

**Stay tuned. It's gonna get ugly.**

**~Weehoo107**


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